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Change Your Story, Get Free of The Curse of the Capable!

Here are the top 10 ways you can Change Your Story:

• We all write a story about ourselves early in life, realize it is always part fiction.
• If the mirrors you look into early in life are distorted, so is your view of yourself. Commit to seeing yourself accurately today.
• You cannot re-write your story alone; we are all too subjective to obtain a rational view of ourselves.
• Choose rational people to help you re-write your story, to find out the truth of who you are today.
• Expand your empathic range so that your choice of intimate friends is growth promoting.
• Realize that the path to true self knowledge and balance comes from sustained intimate relationships.
• We learn the most when we commit our hearts to those around us, playing it safe keeps you static.
• Your romantic relationships reveal more about your true story than any other human contact. Love brings our stories front and center.
• In order to live a balanced life self care has to be a priority, taking care of oneself is never separate from the care of others. Abuse yourself and you indirectly abuse others.
• Intimacy is the greatest predictor of a balanced life; if you don’t how to maintain love you will never overcome the negative story of the past.

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10 Ways to Bond as a Family

1. Emphasize the goodness in family members and de-emphasize imperfections.
2. Resist advice giving unless you’re specifically asked for your opinion.
3. Listen more than you talk.
4. Don’t use sarcasm as a means of connecting.
5. Limit alcohol consumption as it detracts from genuine relating.
6. Pay attention to the elders and the youngest, they are more in need of your attention.
7. Make attempts to enter the world of children; don’t spend your time in exclusive adult conversation.
8. Resist favoring those family members whom you have most in common with, try to establish rapport with those most unlike yourself.
9. Bring the group together through song, music, and old videos of the family’s history.
10. Show your appreciation by giving a personal toast before meals that expresses your deepest emotions of love for those present and those missing from the past.

The 10 Ways to Manage Holiday Stress

• Remember you don’t get a new family for Christmas or Hanukah.
• Try to work on accepting the people in your life for who they are, not who you want them to be.
• Last year’s holidays are a good predictor of this year’s, make a mental note and prepare.
• Plan on something novel in your holiday preparations, break the monotony and establish a new tradition.
• Express love directly to those you care about beforehand, it will make the mood warmer and lighter.
• Don’t adopt the perfectionist attitude, striving for perfection will make you and others tense.
• Be grateful for every human being who you share the holidays with, they may not be here next year.
• You may not be here next year so give your love freely, make these times to remember forever.
• Enliven your spirit through thoughtful giving, not necessarily expensive giving.
• Open your heart, try to calm yourself, and give as much affection and validation to your family and friends as possible, you won’t regret your efforts.

10 Ways to Avoid Holiday Drama

• Be realistic in terms of your expectations of yourself and others.
• Limit alcohol as it will lower tolerance and increase the chance of arguments.
• Don’t abandon exercise as you’ll need this stress reducer more than ever.
• Limit simple sugars as they can leave you moody and tense.
• Focus on those you know are easy to get along and limit exposure to the drama makers.
• Use music as a calming agent and mood elevator
• Slow down when you’re tired and let yourself take a break from the hectic pace. Make a commitment to do so each hour.
• Listen to how rapid or calm your speaking as a cue to monitor yourself.
• Ask others to help when they notice you’re stressed by someone or something.
• Remember drama is usually present in all families; we are an imperfect collection of related human beings.

Andre Agassi, Courage or Fanfare?

Andre Agassi’s recent revelations regarding his drug use, depression and hatred of playing tennis have attracted much attention. Some have thought his disclosures on national TV and print media were efforts to promote his new book, others have believed that he is purging himself to rid himself of the guilt and shame he has lived with for most of his life. Of course both motives are possible.

I have seen the interviews and fall on the side of believing Andre’s intentions are positive and not self serving. For our purposes his motivation is not really the issue. The most important aspect of his disclosure is that he is yet another highly capable individual living with the “Curse”. He was reportedly driven by an obsessive perfectionist father who lived vicariously through his son and who gave Andre the sense that his value was based on his performance exclusively, rather than the essence of his being. He essentially was conditioned to be performance addicted.

Andre’s story is a very common plight for those plagued with the Curse and his efforts to re-write his story are commendable regardless of whether he sells books or not. He has honestly exposed his vulnerabilities, a behavior which scares most individuals who mask their insecurities through their capabilities. This tendency to mask insecurity through achievement and performance is a very common characteristic of the Curse. To the surprise of many performance addicts his book “Open” is now rated number one on most book charts. Evidently there are many who find his honesty and new found liberation interesting. Of course there are those who simply enjoy seeing a star fall. Another leveraging technique among those envying stardom. Some are wishing for celebrity failure if they cannot be on the podium themselves.

You cannot change your story without self disclosure and the courage to find out who you truly are. The story Andre wrote about himself early in life was based on the mirroring his father provided, which apparently was distorted. The only way to change our early stories is to have the courage to reveal oneself to new people in our lives who have the ability to help us discover our true nature from an objective, rational perspective. We grow with distorted stories in our minds, which influence our behavior dramatically. To un-learn the distortions of the past it is essential to have empathic people in our lives who are more capable of helping us discern the truth than the significant, biased people of the past.

Andre is representative of thousands caught up in our fast paced society which often values performance and achievement over character and relational skills. The degree of sustained intimacy in a person’s life often tells us more about success than any other aspect of their life. The skills necessary to maintain long term intimacy are highly correlated with long term success in all walks of life. Andre’s love for Steffi Graf appears to be a critical factor in his recovery and re-emergence as a human being comfortable in his own skin. Love, empathy and understanding are curative elements toward self healing. No matter how successful we are in the world all human beings long to be successful in their own homes. So many however feel lost in their personal space as intimacy demands more than isolated talents, it calls for a well rounded individual able to give without being pre-occupied with ranking and adoration. Selfless giving is a cornerstone of long term intimacy and is a requirement for a long, healthy, satisfying life.

What is The Curse of the Capable?

I have been treating high achievers from all walks of life for over 30 years. From single Mom’s rasing three children and working full time, to corporate executives, to professional athletes and media personnel it is about people who keep doing and doing but for some hidden reasons they feel dissapointed in life.  They never quite get to a place where their life is balanced and they don’t usually feel they recieve the love and respect they work so hard to attain. What happens when you do everything you can and you still don’t have a balanced, healthy life? You feel Cursed, don’t you?

Our new book and coaching courses will give you the tools to change your story, drop the weight the past and become liberated from the Curse in the process.

The process consists of four stages that lead to greater health and well being. The first stage is Uncover Your Story, the one that was created from compelling, yet inaccurate informtion and why it’s not serving you. The second stage is Discover the Consequences of Your Story; it describes the concept of Performance Addiction and the thinking that was born out of your fictional story. The third stage is Acknowledge The Six Trials of Adulthood (expectations, regrets and unfulfilled dreams, control, fear, intimacy, and community) that are amplified by this addiction and their effect on your behavior and we conclude with the 4th stage-Change Distored Thinking, which analyzes the distortions in thinking that result from the Curse. Join us in the coaching center, do the work and you will likely emerge with the level of health you have longed for but never had the guidance to attain.