| It is a mental state where talented people mask their vulnerabilities through their capabilities. We refer to the curse when people are trying very hard in their efforts to achieve and perform to win the respect and love of other people. What happens when you try your very hardest and yet you still can’t attain the healthy, balanced life you long for? What happens when you don’t understand the reasons your life is not satisfying? You feel Cursed! You’re disappointed you’re not living the life you thought all your hard work would bring, and you’re feeling run down in the process. |  |
| Early in life we create a novel, a fictitious story about ourselves that we write based on what we think is being reflected back to us from those around us – as if we are looking at ourselves in a mirror. If the mirrors you are looking into are cracked or inaccurate, you get a distorted view of yourself as you would in a circus mirror. As a result you create an inaccurate story about yourself and this story sets the stage for an irrational belief system. A lack of empathy creates an unsupportive internal story, a belief that you’re not quite good enough, which sets the stage for over-achievement in an effort to make up for what is secretly missing inside.When you are able to change your biased story, you can live a life free of tension and anxiety and full of joy and meaningful achievement.
What Are the Causes of this Problem? Once a person is caught up in over-achieving as their way of trying to feel “good enough”, it becomes harder and harder to escape “the curse”. Our society celebrates and rewards capable, achieving and even over-achieving behavior. Capable people who have an inaccurate or unsupportive internal story can begin to mistake superficial applause and accolades for the love and respect they genuinely want. They begin a cycle of pursuing more and more achievement to get a “quick fix” of what they think is love and respect; but these rewards fade quickly. The person feels compelled to achieve more, to get more recognition while all the while neglecting the very things that do lead to genuine love and respect – authentic relationships and self-care.
The Four Stages that lead to Resolution of the Curse. The Curse is ultimately resolved by developing a new view of yourself. The process by which this occurs is comprised of four distinct stages that lead to greater love and success. They are as follows: Uncover Your Story- The one that was created from compelling yet inaccurate information and why it’s not serving you. The second stage is DISCOVER THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR STORY; it describes the concept of Performance Addiction and the thinking that was born out of your fictional story. Performance Addiction is the belief that perfecting appearance and achieving status will secure love and respect. It is quite common in those suffering from the Curse. Performance Addiction is the most common characteristic of the Curse given the reinforcement of non-stop performance in today’s culture. It is an irrational, inaccurate belief system, hardwired early in life and reinforced by cultural expectations. The third stage is ACKNOWLEDGE THE SIX TRIALS OF ADULTHOOD (expectations, regrets and unfulfilled dreams, control, fear, intimacy, and community) that are amplified by this addiction and their effect on your behavior. The 4the stage-CHANGE DISTORED THINKING, analyzes the distortions in thinking that result from the Curse. The final resolution of the Curse results in developing a resilient sense of self and becoming what I call a Spiritual Learner- one who is open to ongoing learning throughout life from all credible sources. One who seeks further knowledge and wisdom without bias and preconceived notions. This is the mark of an individual who has freed himself/herself from the grip of the Curse.
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